As therapists, we use our words to mirror, to validate, to make sense, to clarify, to challenge. We offer words to heal by.  We are trained extensively to be selective and intentional in our words.  To guide them to land, and be ready to amend when they don’t.  We are craftsmen of language. 

As human beings, our species, our functioning, and our existence is rooted in language.  The science on this is fascinating. What we have in common with other species and how we are different, how we learn language in infancy, and what happens if we are deprived of such learning is a rich area of research. Language gives us the power to connect, to express, to be understood.  And we are constantly striving for ways to make this happen.  In poetry, song, novels, memoirs, television and movies.

For this week, I offer the beauty and benefit of the words of others.  The quotes I’ve selected are favorites as they pertain to therapeutic messaging and even for use as a therapy intervention. I’ve grouped them into two categories – Phases of Recovery and For Now. These were the themes that emerged as I was writing and allows for (I hope!) a nice flow.

Phases of Recovery

“I could always feel a flinty, unconquerable spirit staring out of the mangroves and the impenetrable rainforests inside me, a spirit who waited with a mineral patience for that day I was to claim myself back because of my own fierce need of survival,” from South of Broad by Pat Conroy. So many folx out there have survived hell in its many forms to come out the other side, scarred, bruised, and sometimes broken and still willing to go on. How? I think this quote captures it – a flinty, unconquerable spirit with a fierce need of survival. I believe this mineral patience is within everyone who sits down in a therapist’s office (or joins a virtual session).

“I’m learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes,” from Crystal Ball by P!nk. I am a huge fan of P!nk. Her lyrics reach such depths and capture the rawness of being human. “Learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.” Learning to be brave is what therapy is all about—shifting from surviving and barely holding on to bravely facing oneself and the world in a new way that allows for grace. Adding beautiful before mistakes dialectically embodies the compassion we all so desperately need when learning how to find and connect to that grace.

“I am brave, I am bruised, this is who I’m meant to be, this is me,” from “This Is Me” in The Greatest Showman. The musical theater nerd in me loved this movie from jump. I later learned its glorified portrayal of P.T. Barnum is revisionist history so I take those aspects of the film with a hefty grain of salt. And, the way the song, “This is Me” models embracing who you are, regardless of how others see you and treat you, can’t be beat.

Immediately after seeing the film, I began incorporating “This Is Me” into my inpatient group therapy work at the VA. We would first listen to “Angry Young Man” by Billy Joel. (Thank you to one of my colleagues for bringing this song, and its parallels to PTSD to my attention!) Then we would listen to “This Is Me.” We would discuss the differences in the tone, theme, and messaging of each. I’d propose “Angry Young Man” presents a pre-recovery outlook on the self and the world. And that “This Is Me” shows what is possible. The culmination of our bruises, our bravery in seeking a healing journey, and the incorporation of our pasts as part, rather than all, that we are, is one of the ultimate, and achievable, goals of recovery.

For Now

“Here we are – despite the delays, the confusion, and the shadows en route- at last, or for the moment, where we always intended to be,” from Three Junes by Julia Glass. I have to say, I didn’t particularly enjoy this book. However, when I first read those works they instantly struck me. I find them strangely validating and hopeful. I wrote them on a post-it note that I taped to my desk at work. Fifteen years later, I still have that post-it, now on my fridge. For me, this quote embodies core principles of DBT (even though I didn’t know about DBT when I first read it!). Specifically, that everything is caused, everything is connected, and that everything changes.

The entirety of Not Right Now by Jason Grey. I can’t pick a singular stanza because each says something a little different and equally special. Here’s the hook: “I know someday, I know some how, I’ll be ok but not right now.” From my posts on Inside Out and validation, you know how much I emphasize allowing ourselves to be with our feelings, in this moment, as they are. This is additively salient with grief. Grief doesn’t just apply to the death of a loved one; we can grieve a pet, a relationship, the loss of who we once were, the loss of what we hoped would be.

We can not just push through grief. We can not make ourselves ok; at this moment, we are not ok. And that is exactly how we deserve to be. The song explores grief though talking about a home burning down. He essentially says, don’t tell me I’m going to be ok while I’m actively watching my house burn down. He asks instead, “While I wait for the smoke to clear” just sit with me, be with me. I love this song because it is both real and hopeful. It validates being in the pain and despair of the moment, while retaining hope of one day being ok again. This dialectical balance is a gift we can give ourselves in our darkest moments.

For Clinicians: In what ways do you incorporate pop culture, literature, and other forms of art and language into your practice? What are some of your favorite quotes?

For Those Seeking Healing: How much do you turn to the words of others to support your healing journey? Did any of the quotes above resonate with you?