Connecting with community is essential to our emotional well-being.  Spending time with others who share our values, our goals, and our joys gives a sense of belonging that can sustain us through our most difficult times.   By default, this often translates to our coworkers and our families since we spend most of our time at work and at home, what Oldenburg coined as our first and second spaces, respectively.  Ideally in these spaces, we do experience belonging; we feel seen, valued, and supported as we see, value, and support our colleagues and family in return.  And this is not always easy to achieve or maintain, especially with so much out of our control, like bureaucratic systems emphasizing productivity over people.  At work we may be understaffed, overworked, and barely keeping our heads above water.  And at home it might feel the same, whether you live alone or in a full house.   Also, sometimes we need a different type of connection, one separate from the pressures of day-to-day responsibilities and the toll of our roles as healers and providers.  This is where community, accessed in third spaces, comes in.

By definition, a third space can be any public setting where people are free to congregate and socialize without the pressure to perform or produce.  They can include, and certainly are not limited to, parks, cafes, bars, spiritual centers, town halls, shopping areas, schools, and even virtual spaces.  Ted Lasso fans, think of The Crown & Anchor pub, where Greyhound followers can be found every game day, celebrating or commiserating, as a community. 

But maybe sports aren’t your thing.  Or there isn’t a pub in your area. Or day-drinking is counterproductive to your other weekend goals.  Where do you go? How do you find like-minded people and maximally benefit from a third space?  And why does this feel so hard to do?

Over the past several decades where and how we connect – in other words, our access to, value in, and use of third spaces – has radically shifted.  This is for a myriad of reasons above and beyond the impact of COVID-19.  As we discover more about the detriments of social media based connections and the impacts of isolation from the pandemic, it is imperative to revisit how we experience community and where to find our third spaces.

To do this, I encourage you to turn to pop culture; much as I did in referencing Ted Lasso!   What movie, book, TV show, musician, artist, graphic novel series, multiplayer role-playing game, etc., brings you joy? What plots, character arcs, musical stylings could you go on and on about if given the chance? What characters, plotlines, lyrics, do you gravitate towards because you see yourself (or who you want to be) in their journey? What makes you feel like a kid again when you learn the next installment is coming out or that that artist will be in your town? Embracing this joy with people who share your passion is being part of a fandom.

Seeking community and third spaces in this way is great for several reasons.  One, no matter your fandom, I guarantee you are not alone, no matter how obscure your interest may be.  Your third space may be an online forum most of the year except during conventions when everyone gathers in one physical location.   Two, you can spend as much or as little time, money and other resources engaging in your fandom without the pressures of a time-consuming commitment like other community-activities may require.  Such engagement can include anything from one in a life time events like a Disney Cruise, annual events like a convention or the GISH scavenger hunt, quarterly gatherings for Harry Potter themed trivia night, monthly meet-ups to play Dungeons and Dragon’s meet ups, seeing the next Marvel movies in theaters as they are released, contributing weekly to online forums, writing fanfiction daily, or participating in fanactivism every election season, and the list goes on!  Notice how in each of these examples there is a wide range of third spaces – from a cruise ship, to convention center, to online platforms, to your local movie theater. Third, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel.  You are already the fan of something, I’m sure of it.  You might not have had the time to embrace your fandom or may have felt a little shy about it.  Well now is your time.  Get out there, express yourself, find your people, find your third spaces! And most importantly, have fun!

For those seeking healing: I hope this jump-starts new creative ways of thinking about community and where to find it.

For clinicians: Ditto!