What is mindfulness?

There are many misconceptions when it comes to mindfulness. First, that it entails meditation, which it can; however, meditation is not the end all be all of mindfulness. Second, that it requires “clearing the mind.” I find this nearly, if not totally, impossible. And while there may be some benefits to this approach, there is so much more to learn and discover when we are practicing mindfulness to cultivate a deeper awareness of and connection to our thoughts, feelings, bodies, and the world around us.  

Lastly, mindfulness does not equate to relaxation and relaxation is not the goal of mindfulness. You can switch out “relaxation” with “happiness” and the same is true. Don’t get me wrong, it can be very calming, peaceful, grounding. and even enjoyable. It can also be frustrating, agitating, and connect us to deep feelings of sadness, grief, loss, anger, fear, disgust, guilt, shame, remorse, resentment, jealousy, and the list goes on. Mindfulness slows us down and encourages us to strip away the layers of protection we use against such rawness. 

This can be more than a little daunting. Go slowly. Be patient. Compassion is key.

And when in doubt, seek the added support of a mental health professional.

So, if that’s all that it’s not, what is mindfulness? My preferred definition comes from a therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which describes it as “the intentional awareness of the here and now without judgment.” To put it differently, mindfulness is the muscle we use to be able to choose what we are focusing on and then remain focused on that for a selected period of time. When (not if), our thoughts wander from our chosen focal point, we simply become aware that we’ve wandered, and refocus. We strive to do this as objectively and non-judgmentally as possible. Ultimately, with mindfulness we are striving to see reality as it is, painful or joyful as it may be.

The Mindfulness Muscle

I deliberately refer to mindfulness as a muscle (if you’re tracking my posts, particularly From Ballet to Boxing, you may have gathered I like using the body and muscles as analogies for therapy!). When we go to the gym, we can’t expect to deadlift 100 pounds if we’ve never done it before. Similarly, we can’t expect to be perfectly focused our first time out.

And FYI, you will never be “perfect” at mindfulness, it’s just not possible. Mindfulness is a lifelong, active practice and isn’t something we achieve and then are done with. Just like you don’t achieve your deadlift goal for the first time and then stop going to the gym. Also like the gym, not every day of our practice is going to be the same. Some days we are in the zone and achieve personal bests.  Other days we just celebrate the fact we showed up at all. 

The same is true for mindfulness. Even after years of practice, I have days where it is just not happening; my thoughts are going in a hundred different directions at once, I’m cranky or sad, my body isn’t cooperating (yoga is one of my preferred methods of mindfulness), and I just want to be doing something else. I call these “better than nothing” practices, and they still count for a lot.

Society’s Influence

The muscles of attention and focus are not ones we get much exercise within our society. In fact, we’re all rather atrophied in these domains. American culture values multi-tasking, promotes productivity over all else, and has highly misconstrued ideas of self-care and rest (it’s so much more than a bubble bath!). When was the last time you pet your dog without simultaneously scrolling on your phone? Or watched a TV show without also playing Candy Crush? Or watched the sunset instead of rushing home?  Or doing any of those things without crafting the perfect Instagram post to document your activities?

We are a society of “go go go” that measures our worth in social media “likes.” These messages can be challenging to dismantle and the act of slowing down in and of itself can be incredibly uncomfortable. Thus again why we call it a practice. One of my favorite yoga teachers would say in each class “it’s yoga practice, not perfect.”

Judgment

Earlier I mentioned doing all this non-judgmentally. Easier said than done. Judgements are an inherent, and necessary, part of being human. We need to judge the pungent smell of spoiled milk as dangerous in order not to drink it and risk poisoning (the emotion and visceral response of disgust helps with this). However, judgment can very quickly get in the way of really being in the moment and dealing with that moment effectively. 

For example, instead of problem-solving how to get fresh milk, we become agitated and angry that the milk is spoiled at all, trying to figure out who can be blamed, feeling irritated that your coffee won’t be how you like it, and dreading the extra task of going to the store after work. All valid and understandable reactions; though are they all helpful or are they more likely at risk of putting us in a bad mood for the rest of the day?

Practicing Mindfulness

How do we start practicing mindfulness? There are a myriad of ways; here I will review meditation, movement, and using the six senses in everyday activities.

Meditation

I recommend guided mindfulness meditation practices (if you are a true beginner go for just a minute or two). I find all that I’m about to describe is very difficult to do on my own, even after years of various forms of practice. Rather, having someone else lead gives me a break from making decisions and planning, which allows my practice to go deeper. 

There are thousands of free options on YouTube and apps like Insight Timer. In such practices, you are typically encouraged to find a comfortable place to sit or lay down and you will likely be guided to close your eyes (if you feel ok to do so) to reduce potential environmental distractions. Then the facilitator will guide you on where to focus your attention – typically your breath, your thoughts, sensations within the body, or a place you explore in your imagination. Often, throughout the practice, they will cue you to check in – are you still attending to the identified theme or have your thoughts drifted? Attending formal meditation classes can also be a great way to get the added benefits of community support and belonging.

Movement

We can also practice mindfulness through movement like yoga, tai chi, qi-gong, or even going for a walk. If you opt for a walk, try to go slower than you normally would. Allow each step to be intentional and even broken down into smaller parts – lift foot, place down heel, roll to toe, pick up other foot, etc. Attend to how your body is moving; which muscles are involved? Notice just how much is required for even the slowest, smallest movement. What do you experience as being different moving at this slower more intentional pace? Which parts of your body are in contact with the ground? In contact with other parts of your body? What do you feel in the space around you, temperature, air quality, other practitioners nearby, etc.? This last bit is considered our sixth sense – proprioception.

The Six Senses

Opportunities for mindfulness are available to us in all of our daily routines like doing the dishes, taking a shower – anything with relatively simple movements and some repetition. Art like painting or sculpting, or crafting, like knitting or crochet, may fall under this category for you. To really make the most of this we need to tap into our six senses – sight, taste, touch, smell, sound, and proprioception – and observe and describe each sense as it is occurring whatever our chosen activity. And most importantly, when our mind wanders, gently and non-judgmentally bring it back to the task at hand.

For example: One of my go-to exercises is mindfully eating a raisin, originally developed by Bowen, Chawla, and Marlatt (2011). This exercise emphasizes intentionality and awareness of the present moment while practicing using the six senses. It also highlights the automatic nature of judgements and our ability to observe those judgments and let them go with curiosity and humor. In this exercise, you get a single raisin; pretend you are from another planet and are seeing this small object for the first time. How do you go about observing it? Your alien race has the same sensory inputs as ours so you use the six senses! How would you describe what you are observing?

Notice how quickly judgements are called upon – for sight – “it looks like a raisin” is a common response. Well, this alien race doesn’t know what a raisin is, so now what? What can you observe through sight? Is the surface smooth or indented? Is the color uniform or varied? How does it smell? Your answer might be “sweet” or “like dirt,” technically once again these are judgements. Our brains are built on learning and identifying through association.  It’s ok that judgements are getting activated, it’s automatic and as we talked about before, not an inherently bad thing. Just be aware of it and see what else you might be able to uncover when you push a little further (and I get it, I don’t have a better vocabulary for the sense words of smell beyond sweet and dirt either). 

See how judgements and associations keep coming up; “light” when observing the weight of the object in your hand – light in comparison to what? Brown as the color – what does that mean if you aren’t able to see or process colors? Do we have other language to use? Try and get down to the facts (again, if you have the vocabulary to do so). Go through each of the senses leaving taste to the end. Even become aware of the thoughts and feelings you are having about this activity – are you feeling frustrated and annoyed? Questioning what the point is? Having fun? Once you are ready for taste, place the object in your mouth.

Review the other senses again from this new perspective – is more information about texture now available? Has the smell changed? Is anything happening inside your mouth now that the object is there? Is the quality of the object changing? After making these observations, chew once. Ask those questions again, then continue chewing slowly; take note of everything. When you are ready, swallow, once again observing as much as you can.    

For Clinicians: I hope this gives you new insights and vocabulary for your own mindfulness practices as well as for how to teach this skill. Being able to utilize mindfulness in our daily lives, and in our work as clinicians, can support reducing the risk of burn-out and compassion fatigue by helping us know what we are experiencing in the moment; to be able to catch the impact of countertransference and work with it effectively and to know our warning signs that we need a break or additional support. Also, the more we practice what we preach, the better we are at instilling hope and getting buy-in from our clients.

For Those Seeking Care: I hope this debunks any misinformation you have about mindfulness and inspires you to begin, or enhance, your mindfulness practice with compassion and curiosity. Remember, there is no finish line for mindfulness, it is a lifelong practice!